DEAR
WITBONES:
I’m
60-years old and attending college for Human Services. Most of the other students are considerably
younger than I am. We’ve had the same
instructor for several classes and many of these younger students have become
very obnoxious when it comes to listening to him.
They are
whispering very loudly about their weekend plans, their hangovers, or the fact
that they are far behind in their final projects. I remind them that other people would like to
hear what is being taught, but I am getting really tired of the circus
atmosphere, which I am paying big bucks for.
The instructor rarely says anything.
I have one more year until graduation, and this same group of students
will be moving along with me and the same instructor.
How do I
maintain my sanity? Help me, Elwin! --- STUDENT
WHISPERER IN WISCONSIN .
DEAR
STUDENT: Congratulations for jumping
into a postsecondary pursuit at your age.
We’re never too old to try new things.
We’re also never too old to have those things test our sanity.
You don’t
need a classroom these days to understand why you’re surrounded by what I call
the “devotees of distraction.” You call
them “considerably younger” humans, and I recently watched a gaggle of them assemble
at a café, ignore each other, and begin punching letters into their designer
phones and communicating, presumably with another gaggle of modern day
telegraphists also busy ignoring each other at another café.
It made me
feel like calling myself up and asking me if I wasn’t busy. I didn’t, because I wasn’t sure I’d answer. I’m also often the last person I want to talk
to, and when I do, I like to do it in person.
The key to
this, of course, is that “the instructor rarely says anything” to or about your
classmates and their untoward behavior.
Sounds like he’s surrendered to futility, too.
Suggestions: You say they are “whispering very
loudly.” Another word for this is
“talking.” You could try talking very
loudly. Another word for this is “yelling.”
This may
shame them into behaving better in class, but I wouldn’t count on it. They’ll probably just think you’re nuts and
begin “texting” their friends who are acting out in other classrooms, to tell
them all about the yelling crazy lady in theirs.
But, before
long, there would be students silently not paying attention in countless schools
all across America
and you will have saved a generation from itself.
Or, as you
cite the “circus atmosphere” that you’re finding impossible to endure, you
could throw in the Human Resources career towel and run away to clown college, thus
turning your life’s lemons into a lemonade that might just better serve you and
your sanity.
Thanks for
Witboning, and keep me posted.
DEAR
WITBONES:
I recently decided
to become an entrepreneur, mainly because I'd been unemployed for so long, but
the old adage says that "in order to make money you must spend
money." So I spent all the money I had in my mattress; I bought pretty
quartz crystals to sell for their beauty. I guess beauty has lost its charm
because no one bought any. I am now homeless, having spent all my money on
rocks.
I'm
considering using all of them all to build a rockpile in which to live. Should
I charge admission to visit 'the fabulous crystal cave' or would it be better
to use it as a 'home office' for tax purposes? --- ROCK AND A HARD SPACE IN MASSACHUSETTS .
DEAR ROCK: Thanks for sending along this unique poser,
but I think you’re already on the right track.
Yes, I
agree with your old adage about money, but I’d counterpunch it with another one: “In
order to have Cheez-Its, you must not eat all your Cheez-Its.” I’m pretty much constantly living in this
mode.
But, your
damage is done, so let’s not live in the past, and I’m assuming you’re a woman, because no man would keep his money in a mattress. He’d have to change the sheets to get to it.
Yes,
charging admission to see your “fabulous crystal cave” is a great idea, but I
might add the word “museum” at the end.
People will always cough up their hard-earned cash (often raiding their
mattresses) to visit museums, and the odder the better. There is a profitable museum operating in Paris , for example, where
inquiring minds can view the history of its renowned sewers. The Paris Sewer
Museum .
Imagine if
they’d tried to drum up business for just “The Paris Sewer.” I rest my case.
I’d also
consider, after carefully reviewing this, removing the words “fabulous” and
“crystal” from your new enterprise. Now,
you’re left with The Empty Mattress Rock Cave Museum, something I’d pay good
money to investigate.
You might
have trouble with the home office tax write-off, but at least you’ll sleep
better, and it could reignite the charm in your beauty.
Thanks for
Witboning, and keep me posted.
* * * * *
Have a "Dear Witbones" question? You may submit them via this blog's e-mail or snail mail contact tab. Senior Wire News Service syndicated humor columnist B. Elwin
Sherman writes from the Empty Cheez-It Box
Museum in Bethlehem , NH . Copyright 2013. All rights reserved. Used here with permission.
* * * * *
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